Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak…and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him…But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” (Genesis 32:24, 25b, 26b)
I had a rocky beginning to my candidacy process, and by extension my seminary experience. Walking with me, my candidacy committee asked me to find a spiritual director to help me work through some of this. I was experiencing deep church hurt and was wondering if, at this point, I should even continue down the path to ordination and rostered leadership. Those first few sessions with my spiritual director were tough. Sharing my story and the reasons why I was seeking this kind of care pressed hard on the wounds I was carrying. After listening deeply to me and affirming me and my sense of call, my spiritual director posed a question I will never forget. What would become a refrain in our meetings, he asked: “What is God doing in the midst of this?” This was a question I wrestled with, not unlike Jacob and his dark night of the soul in Genesis 32. This is a question I continue to return to whenever I’m in a period of discernment, whether for myself, my ministry setting, or the wider church.
What is God doing in the midst of this? How is God present in the challenge and the change? What am I being called to? What are we collectively being called to? This kind of wrestling and deep discernment is tough. When we ask what God is up to, we might also find ourselves asking other faithful questions.
What do we hope for?
What are we afraid of?
Who or what are we serving?
How are we being called toward life and abundance?
We may just find that the blessing is in the wrestling, in the asking and the wondering, and the wandering. Maybe our questions will be answered clearly. Maybe these will be questions with us for a lifetime. In this wrestling, I trust that God is not going to let us go without a blessing. And I hope that we aren’t going to let each other go without a blessing, too. As we discern together, receive this blessing:
Jacob’s Blessing, by Jan Richardson (The Cure for Sorrow: A Book of Blessings for Times of Grief)
If this blessing were easy,
anyone could claim it.
As it is,
I am here to tell you
that it will take some work.
This is the blessing
that visits you
in the struggling,
in the wrestling,
in the striving.
This is the blessing
that comes
after you have left
everything behind,
after you have stepped out,
after you have crossed
into that realm
beyond every landmark
you have known.
This is the blessing
that takes all night
to find.
It’s not that this blessing
is so difficult,
as if it were not filled
with grace
or with the love
that lives
in every line.
It’s simply that
it requires you
to want it,
to ask for it,
to place yourself
in its path.
It demands that you
stand to meet it
when it arrives,
that you stretch yourself
in ways you didn’t know
you could move,
that you agree
to not give up.
So when this blessing comes,
borne in the hands
of the difficult angel
who has chosen you,
do not let go.
Give yourself
into its grip.
It will wound you,
but I tell you
there will come a day
when what felt to you
like limping
was something more
like dancing
as you moved into
the cadence
of your new
and blessed name.
As Campus Pastor at Bethany College in Lindsborg, KS, the Rev. Melissa Woeppel oversees the religious and spiritual life of the College and is called to serve the entire campus community. In addition to her work on campus, she regularly provides pulpit supply in the area and is active in Central States Synod committees and events. She also serves on the board of the Lutheran School of Theology, St. Louis and by position is a member of The Associated Churches of Lindsborg (TACOL) board. Pastor Melissa is a graduate of Bethany College and United Lutheran Seminary (ULS) in Gettysburg, PA.
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